


Mai on Urzai

by The Rambling Mai (Loopy)



Series: Mai's Ramblings [7]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, No Bashing, Parody, Zero Punctuation - Freeform, and making up what she doesn't know, and sometimes lying just for her amusement, just mai interpreting everything in the worst possible light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27906556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopy/pseuds/The%20Rambling%20Mai
Summary: Mai's secret thoughts on all the Avatar ships- and you know the funny is coming when the driest, most critical personality in the show decides to let it all out! Everything Avatar is analyzed and described in the most ridiculous way possible! A fandom classic!Today, Mai looks at the least amicable breakup in the entire franchise: URZAI!!
Relationships: Ozai/Ursa (Avatar)
Series: Mai's Ramblings [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989946
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	Mai on Urzai

  
  


**Mai on... Urzai!**

"Easily the most absolutely dysfunctional ship in the entire Avatar series YES EVEN COUNTING ZUTARA is the tumultuous marriage between Phoenix Fire King Lord Ozai and Bad News Ursa.

"Ozai was the younger son of Fire Lord Azulon who no one knows much about and we can't really judge him by his children because one was a tea-loving clown and the other was psychopath who lit babies on fire for jollies. Ozai really wanted to be in charge because, you know, people who light babies on fire are just like that where that have to be in charge even though they'll just light the babies on fire regardless.

"Ursa was an overly nice lady FROM ZUKO'S PERSPECTIVE ANYWAY who didn't seem to have any goals in life other than spending all her time having fun with Zuko AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR OKAY SHUT UP. There is some debate about whether or not Ursa loved Azula but since Azula likes to argue both sides of the issue AT THE SAME TIME we'll just move on and pretend everything is bubbles and lollipops. Ursa turned out to be descended from Avatar Roku but honestly that information was never of any use and Zuko doesn't even like to talk about it and the only source is a crazy old man who I'm not convinced isn't half senile and some people think he had a little 'thing' going on with Ursa anyway so again we'll just move on and leave things be. Honestly, that's a common attitude with Zuko's mom and since Ozai himself didn't like people talking about her either I like to just pretend she doesn't exist.

"So when Big Brother Iroh's son died in the war THOSE THINGS HAPPEN IN WAR YOU KNOW I READ THAT IN A BOOK Ozai asked his daddy if he could be crown prince instead because that's totally how you display tact in front of an irritable Fire Lord. Azulon was a good daddy to Iroh AS FAR AS I KNOW HE ALWAYS SUPPORTED THAT TEA ADDICTION and punished Ozai for being so insensitive, but he must have found being a granddaddy a lot harder because his punishment for Ozai was making him kill Zuko. I would have thought being a daddy and being a granddaddy would be really similar but I'm never going to be either so I guess I'm not really qualified to criticize like all good Fire Nation ladies. Azulon couldn't even get the punishment right because Ozai never really liked Zuko AS HE LIKES TO CONSTANTLY WHINE ABOUT AND WHICH AZULA WROTE LIKE FIFTEEN DIFFERENT SONGS ABOUT which to me is a sign that perhaps senility runs in the family so Iroh's mind isn't as infallible as everyone likes to treat it.

"Ursa caught wind of all this, and it's probably a really good thing for Ozai that she did because I'd hate to be the husband who served breakfast in bed the next morning and then slipped in a quick, "Oh yeah, I killed our firstborn last evening, but that's okay, right?" and at least get some scrambled eggs thrown at me. Ursa was a bit put out by the idea because then she wouldn't have anyone to feed turtleducks with since Azula absolutely hated the things so she went to Ozai or Azulon or... oh, I don't know, at this point no one really knows what happened UNLESS YOU READ THE COMIC SEQUELS AND I TRY VERY HARD NOT TO because it was all mysterious and behind the scenes cloak'n'daggers stuff that I'm willing to wager was four times as complicated as it had to be because THAT'S JUST HOW THIS PSYCHO FAMILY ROLLS. Ursa mysteriously disappeared and Ozai ascended to the station of Fire Lord completely without remorse so I think we can safely declare the marriage Dead On Arrival.

"He never remarried and if it weren't for Zuko and Azula I'd be wondering if he ever had much interest in marriage in the first place, and then he was eventually knocked off by the Avatar. Ursa is speculated to have had all kinds of fun adventures after she disappeared and everyone loves to speculate about her continued romantic adventures with Iroh and Piandao and Sokka's daddy Hokada and the Earth King and all kinds of undesirables that I think would utterly disgust the real Ursa and Zuko agrees with me and that's what's really important OH YEAH.

"As far as speculation goes, I prefer the stories about Admiral Zhao riding an Air Bison better."


End file.
